i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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