it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize