I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently you make a good broom.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
