What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
