Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do herpes really smell.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
