I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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