I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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