He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
