I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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