i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
