Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
