two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
