were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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