I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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