My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
