he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
