there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
