so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
