Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
