My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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