I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
