it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
