lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
