how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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