Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
