In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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