don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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