Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize