At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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