I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
