just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
