I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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