Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
