It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
