Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
