So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
