Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
