Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize