I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
