you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
