I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
