Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
