i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
