Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
