apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
