Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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