I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nicole vs. Life
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
