I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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