Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
