woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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