Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will be naked everywhere
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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