I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
