big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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