rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize