Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
