So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
