I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
