remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I supernannyed him into submission
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
