..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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