In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
