U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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