i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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