Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
