i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
