I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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