i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
