Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize