you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
